Church of Dildo

Church of DildoChurch of DildoChurch of Dildo

Church of Dildo

Church of DildoChurch of DildoChurch of Dildo
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    • Home
    • Service Times
    • History
    • Pilgrimages
    • Donate | Merch
  • Home
  • Service Times
  • History
  • Pilgrimages
  • Donate | Merch

SERVICES & WORSHIP

Services are held most days.


Monday through Saturday, afternoons and evenings.

Sundays at whatever time feels right.


All services are weather permitting.

Worship takes many forms. Standing quietly near water counts. Laughing at signage counts. Buying merch ironically and keeping it unironically counts. Posting photographs that make friends ask questions they weren’t prepared for also counts. 


Sitting longer than planned is encouraged.


Confession is optional. It usually happens in cars. Sometimes with the engine running. Sometimes after the engine has been turned off. Stories tend to improve with distance.


Communion is informal. Coffee is preferred. Rum is tolerated. Mugs qualify as vessels. Thermoses are respected. Exact measurements are unnecessary.


Pilgrimage is recognized whenever a ferry is involved. Detours qualify. 


Getting lost is valid. 


If the journey took longer than expected and you’re calmer at the end of it, it counts.

Music & Friends

Miracles are defined narrowly. 

They are not supernatural. 

They are improbable outcomes under poor conditions. 


A sudden break in the weather. A photo that shouldn’t have worked but did.


 A ferry that showed mercy.


 A conversation that lasted longer than planned and mattered more than expected. 


A sense of being steadied without being fixed.


Miracles are usually recognized after the fact. Often while packing up. 

Sometimes years later. 


No claims are verified. No witnesses are required. 

If something worked somehow, it counts.


The hymnal is unprinted. There is no key and no schedule. 


Hymns include songs remembered imperfectly, lyrics replaced with humming, music played too quietly from phones, and tunes learned badly on guitars and carried anyway. 


Long stretches of silence are considered sacred.

If you find yourself singing later, the hymn took.


Maps are provided as a courtesy. They are not binding. Roads are shown. Weather, timing, and mood are not. GPS may assist but does not decide. Locals are considered primary sources. Conflicting advice is expected.


Wrong turns are not errors. They are invitations.

If the map stops being useful, put it away.


If you arrive somewhere unexpected and feel calmer than before, you are exactly where you should be.

Offerings are simple. Time. Attention. Stickers. No guilt. No pressure.


Leave slower than you arrived. 

There is nothing here you are required to believe.

Only things you may notice.


The Church does not ask for loyalty, certainty, or agreement.
It does not keep records.
It does not follow up.


If you found yourself paying attention longer than expected,
the service has already taken place.


If you leave unchanged, nothing was lost.
If you leave steadier, something worked.


Either way, the tide will continue.
The weather will do what it wants.

The place will remain.


You are welcome to return.

OUR SPONSORS

Copyright © 2026 Maroon Moose Media | Church of Dildo. All Rights Reserved.


The Church of Dildo is a satirical art project.


It is not a religious institution and does not offer spiritual services.


It is not affiliated with any church, government body, or municipality.


Any resemblance to real organizations, departments, or authorities is intentional and humorous.

No endorsements are implied. No beliefs are required.

  • Service Times
  • History
  • Pilgrimages
  • Donate | Merch

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